For the past year and a half, I have been working with a men’s group called The Exchange. What is a men’s group, you ask? I could describe it using the words the creative marketing geniuses used to describe the group or I could tell you it is simply a group of guys getting together to talk.
What usually happens when I say that is that the person I am speaking to about it leans in and tells me how interesting that sounds to them. They are right. It is interesting. It is fascinating and encouraging.
In a time of toxic masculinity and #MeToo, it is amazing to see this group. They encourage each other to be better human beings – run marathons, perform stand-up comedy, travel the world, or climb mountains. When I first started working with them, I heard so many things from women about how men don’t talk about anything and how they don’t ever seem to need anyone. I also heard that men seem to gravitate towards solo activities or that, due to the nature of their careers, they are often making decisions alone.
That’s true. But, what I have seen these guys do is build an actual community. These guys have learned they don’t have to do everything alone. They are connecting through shared interests, but also opening each other up to new experiences. They set goals, share them with each other, and hold each other accountable. They read books. They meditate. They write in journals. They go to yoga. They talk about gratitude and balance. They also run successful companies. They write books. They play sports. They speak to large crowds. They are so positive; these guys are the cheerleaders you want in your corner.
They don’t just push each other. They push me too. Some of them encouraged me to start a blog and tell my story. After some prompting, because I naturally resist everything, I finally did it. And, I didn’t die. I got support from people whose opinions I value. I got emails from people I haven’t heard from in years. Including one from my childhood Sunday school teacher. She has a business helping students write college essays. No pressure.
Being a woman involved in a men’s organization is an interesting place to be. I can observe them from afar and learn from them. It has helped me connect with my female friends in a different way, and has even helped me to meet some pretty badass women. All great things.
But, sometimes you just want to be comfortable. I finished the second season of Mindhunter last night. It is a fascinating look into the mind of serial killers. It is set in the 1970’s and focuses on some pretty well-known stories (Atlanta Child Murders, BTK, and Charles Manson). After running a few errands today, I was prepared to do a deep Google dive to learn more about the back stories of some of the lesser known serial killers profiled on the show.
Until I got a message from one of the guys in The Exchange. He is constantly nudging me to do things I don’t want to do. Or things I don’t think I can do. It was actually a series of “encouraging” messages:
Quit doing useless shit and write a blog.
Every blog you write is going to be terrible.
Are you willing to post terrible blogs?
Post one before midnight, you pansy.
Fine. There you go. I did it. Now, I can go back to Google!
Find people who encourage you to do the things you don’t want to do. It will likely mean you find yourself doing things like posting terrible blogs on a Saturday night, but you will also find yourself feeling strangely liberated and experiencing a freedom you never thought possible.